Vuelvo a vivir en ti pais

I left Chile and I´m on my way back to Sweden. I feel pain and happiness at the same time. When I was at the airport waiting for boarding the only thing I could think of was a fare away future. If I work a lot, do exercise, read and sleep. Then I won´t feel the pain and the time will go faster, I thought. I wanted to wrap myself up and roll in to the future. Skip seis months of my life.

The airport is a vacuum. I was a vacuum.

At the airplane a started read a book Sofia gave me. It´s written by a Swedish therapist and talk about life, fears, love and insecurity. Eave dough I recognized a lot of what it said it helped me a lot in this moment of changing country and home. The worst thing I can do is to wait for living. To set out a date for when the life starts. And the strongest person is the one that live all her fears and show her weakness.

I left Västerås for Limerick. That was a great fear for me. The I left Limerick for Västerås. And Västerås for Cork, Cork for Norrköpng, Norrköping for Nässjö and Nässjö for Saraguro. I left Saraguro for Stockholm and Stockholm for Valparaíso. And now last Valparaíso for Stockholm.

You may all think that I´m a strong fearless woman. I keep on getting to know new places and people. The fact is that it scares me every time a leave my house for another. And every meeting with a new person is a challenge. But like people say it´s actually true that everything that doesn´t kill me make me stronger. I get to know the scary world out there and I get to know myself trough the people I meet.

I did cry when I left Chile. A various times. My head and chest aced. Except from that my eyes got whet it all happened inside me. It´s a bad habit I have. Not to cry out loud. I will try to be better on showing my feelings. Crying doesn´t hurt. It´s not crying that hurts. Showing my fears and weaknesses doesn´t harm me. It´s not showing them that make me go under.

Some of you may say that I met “the” love en Chile. That´s not true. It doesn’t exist one live in my life. But I met “a” love. A very important one. I write a lot about love in my book. I´m not going to tell you everything because I want you to read it when/if it get published. For many years I´ve asked myself what love is. For a while I believed that I never had loved. In Chile I explored that love wasn´t a new feeling. The happiness I´d felt for my life and my relations before was and are love. Physically leaving a great love for a time doesn´t mean that I´ll stop loving. I´ll chare my life with all of you that have been following me from Sweden in Chile and you that still are back in my beloved South America.

I can´t deny that the distance sucks a lot. It really scares me that the world is so big. However I do, wherever I go, whenever I get to know, I´ll always have to leave anyone behind for a time. I´ll have to live with that, and get to know the distance as I get to know the new places.

No matter where you are: Valparaíso, Buenos Aires, Västerås, Stockholm, Saraguro, Göteborg.

El presente es nuestro.

El futuro es nuestro.

Vivimos la vida.

Compartimos la vida.

Amamos la vida.